Hello guys. Just thought I should update this thing since it doesn't seem to happen that often these days.
Unfortunately not much in my life has changed... I was somewhat in a rut for the past... however long it's been. 3 years I think. Lots of personal stuff that I had to work through, and I'm never really done doing it. But things are starting to look better than they used to at least.
Good thing recently is that I've found a new love for drawing again, even though it's slow coming. I've started trying to draw at least once every day (whether it be commission or just something for myself). I was always afraid to say anything here because I really didn't want to look bad, but I think I'm okay with it now. For the longest time I didn't draw a single thing aside from commissions... all my desire to do it was gone, and I lacked any real inspiration for it. Even now the inspiration is fleeting at best, but I'm trying to work on it. My art, like anything else, is greatly influenced by my state of well being, so when I'm going through a really tough spot in life (like I have been the past few years) it's incredibly difficult for me to draw anything that I'm happy with.
Never before had it been quite so bad. I never would have dreamed that something I loved doing so much would become something I disliked so intensely. :/ But I've been given a new perspective on it recently, plus my mood has been more pleasant. Before it was just... constant anger and depression. I've suffered from clinical depression all my life and it's just something I've always tried to deal with by ignoring it. And I suppose in recent years it finally got its way.
Thankfully there are people in my life whom love me and have helped me through a lot of it, and I'm only now feeling strong enough to start tackling life again.
I don't expect it to be an immediate transformation, but things aren't looking as scary to me as they used to. I just hit a point in my life where I really did just want to say "to hell with it all" and give up, but I was reminded that I am here on this earth for a reason (just like anyone else), and I'm not done growing yet. There's still so much that I want to do in my life.
So yeah. I wont say I'm not still worried about the future, honestly it looks foggy to me at best (even though I know exactly where I want to be). I'm just trying to keep those "poso vibes" going and put one foot in front of the other... and a big part of that is learning to love my gift again and remember the joy that I felt because of it.